My Marriage Resurrected: Part II From Darkness to Light

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Ephesians 5:8-11 NKJV

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.

This is continued from Part I found here.

After our marriage was given true life by the power of the Holy Spirit, Michael and I began to see things in a new light. We thought about the world differently and tried to figure out all the right things to do to make this work in our day to day lives. Our marriage was still afloat and the Lord was with us in this transition. But for me the journey was painful because I wanted Jesus to be my Savior without being my Lord and Master.

Let me paint a picture of my life. I had wallowed in filth and every vile thing. I was a disgusting sinner through and through. It was as though I was completely covered in mud and muck from my head to my toes. It was in my hair and face, even in my mouth, covering every part of me with a thick coat of slimy darkness. I knew I was dirty and I knew Jesus could wash me as pure as snow. But I only wanted Him to wash my head. I wanted to know in my head that I was saved without giving over the other parts of me that were needed for the entire temple to be complete. I could not imagine the painful process that it would be to be all the way clean.

I held on to many lusts of the flesh. I smoked and drank and flirted with men. I spent afternoons dreaming of how perfect my life would be if I could just have a perfect husband or better job. I cursed like a sailor and filled my mind with gossipy magazines and ungodly music.

As much as I still reached for them, these fleshly desires were driving me mad. I would cry while I was driving to my women’s Bible study. I repeatedly fell apart during worship service at church because I was so unworthy of anything Christ had ever done for me. His sacrifice for me was very generic in my mind. “For God so loved the world…” I was part of the world and that’s why He thought to include me in the offer of salvation. I had no concept of what God wanted to do with my life. I just knew that this couldn’t be all there was.

I needed to make a clean break from the things of this world, and God knew just how to wake me up and make me choose a side.

You can read the next part of this story here.